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I seem to remember this happening last year…

Link – http://www.smellybroom.com/2008/04/18/ikea-the-shop-from-hell/

So, I watched X-Men Origins: Wolverine the other week. Now, this isn’t going to be a rant about the movie’s plot or anything like that. This is going to be a rant purely about the shitness of the CG on Wolverine’s claws.

X-Men was released in 2000 and X-Men Origins: Wolverine was released in 2009. In 9 years you’d expect the advancements in special effects to be pretty substantial right?

Well let’s take a look, X-Men on top and X-men Origins on the bottom.

To put it kindly, it looks like they got a 4 year old blind kid to draw the claws on with a felt-tip pen. And they probably didn’t give him enough sweets so he ended up doing a shit job of it on purpose.

What were they actually thinking…

It is a well known fact that real men eat food with their hands. Think about it. Burgers, pizzas, sandwiches, chips, sausages, spaghetti, baked beans. The list goes on and on. So, next time you see some toolbag eating a pizza with a knife and fork, remember, he is NOT and NEVER WILL BE a real man.

UPDATE – Just remembered, this doesn’t apply to soup. You can use a straw for that if you want to.

Top Gun made to look like a gay love story. It’s actually really good.

…but £13.50 is a pretty fucking lot of money. That’s two price increases in the past two years and that is entirely unreasonable. I mean, just because everything else gets more expensive… How am I expected to find an additional £1.50 per month?

Bizarrely, I’ve decided that since cinema tickets here go for £4.70 each and I tend to watch at least 3 films a month, £13.50 is still fairly reasonable.

As a fun experiment, let’s sit down and work out if I’ve watched enough films in the past 2 years to make my monthly subscription worthwhile.

1st year’s subscription = £10.99 X 12 = £131.88
2nd year’s subscription = £11.99 X 12 = £143.88

Total cost over 2 years = £131.88 + £143.88 = £275.76

Total number of movies watched over 2 years = 83

Actual cost of student cinema tickets = £4.70 X 83 = £390.00

So yes, turns out it was worthwhile. All I have to do now is continue spending unhealthy amounts of time in the cinema seeing shit films that often make me angry and/or bored.

    05.05.09

Aah, the 7th. What a wonderful time of the year. Hangovers are a thing of the past and there’s at least 3 days left until the start of term. And that’s about it. In fact, the 7th is a pretty average day, perhaps even the MOST average.

DIRECTOR
Fade subtly… Wait, scrap that. Jump SUDDENLY into a high speed car chase.

EDITOR
What? But I’ve already faded the sound in and everything.

DIRECTOR
Leave the sound, people will think it’s artistic and whatnot.

A ludicrous car chase ensues in which James Bond defies the LAWS OF PHYSICS. In a mad scramble to find the NOS button on his Aston, James unwittingly blows his own door off.

JAMES
Holy balls! My arms, legs, torso, and in fact every part of my entire anatomy is fully exposed to the wildly inaccurate gunfire emanating from the family saloon behind me. I should engage the INVISIBLE DOOR-SHAPED BULLET-PROOF BAD-GUY DEFENCE SYSTEM.

Read More…

I have literally spent an AVERAGE AMOUNT OF TIME writing my revised movie script for Quantum of Solace. So take that internet! An update is on it’s way.

It has been literally more than a few days since I’ve posted ANYTHING on here. I mean anything at all. Not even a YouTube video. Until now. And all that is about to change, for I am now linking to a YouTube video.

A classic.

And now onto my feeble University-based excuse for not posting anything. Between failing exams and dreaming about fucking hot women, I’ve just had no time to write anything. I do have my movie script for The Dark Night and Quantum of Solace in the works though, so I guess that could happen fairly soon. If it doesn’t, you can always check out Show Me your Genitals 2 (E=MC VAGINA), another YouTube classic.