SmellyBroom.com

Goats play very unimportant roles in society these days and are often overlooked when people are searching for pets. Contrary to popular belief, the goat is actually a very domesticated animal and is often far more intelligent than many kinds of tropical fish, this makes them an ideal pet for most households.

One thing you should be careful about when picking a goat is its colour. All goats start life as a multi-coloured blob in an egg and later develop their natural fur colour. If you pick a pink goat with yellow spots, the poor thing’s just going to get laughed at, instead try to pick a manlier colour such as green or blue. This will ensure your goat gains the credibility it deserves.

So now that you’ve got your very own goat, how do you care for it? Well the majority of goats live on a diet of mildly warm milk and cookies, this gives their bodies all the nutrition they’ll ever need. They also tend to enjoy Morrison’s branded orange juice, but try to use this sparingly as it can often lead to athlete’s hoof. Most goats like to live indoors, either on the couch or in a bed, but they should also get plenty of time in the garden to graze. Try to strike a balance between the two.

I hope this article was useful to those of you looking to get into goating. In the next article I’ll talk you through some of the many activities you and your goat can take part in.

Well it looks like I have an apology to make. You see, a while back I wrote about retards who called lunch dinner, and dinner tea, and now it turns out I’m wrong. I apologise.

Between then and now, I have read a Famous Five book, and yes, they have dinner at midday and tea at 6, not to mention the fabled meal of supper at 8.30. Gosh, books can be so educational sometimes. They really can.

Let me make this clear first. Tea is a beverage, lunch is a meal eaten during the middle of the day and dinner is a meal eaten in the evening. It’s simple really, yet some people still have problems understanding this concept.

“You eat dinner during the day, and you eat tea in the evenings.”

Well then, what’s lunch? Is lunch a refreshing beverage often drunk with scones? I didn’t think so…

Why do people have to stick to daily routines? Breakfast in the morning, lunch in the afternoon, dinner in the evening… It’s stupid. Everyone would be much better off making their own personalised routines, so here’s mine for an example.

1pm – wake up
2pm – get out of bed
3pm – eat breakfast
4pm – have a snack
5pm – have lunch
6pm – watch tv
7pm – have a snack
8pm – watch tv
9pm – have dinner
10pm – watch tv
11pm – have snack
12am – have supper
1am – watch tv
2am – have a huge wank

Are you a DJ? You might not know it, but you probably are. You see, I’ve spent minutes at a time studying these so called ‘Disc Jockeys’ and I must say, I’m underwhelmed.

I was sitting there, expecting to see some guy hop onto a disc of some sort and start riding it, but alas, I was sorely disappointed. A ‘Disk Jockey’ turns out to be that annoying bloke that shouts down the microphone at discos and wotnot.

Contrary to popular belief, DJs don’t actually do anything. The only moderately skilful thing I’ve seen one do is press the play button. Dude, it was awesome. It was awesome just being there to witness the master jockey at work. I’m in awe.

So in conclusion, DJ-ing is all about pushing the play button on a CD player. Pretty damn cool huh?

The vital ingredient of being a good disc rider is your name. It has to kick ass.

Wow.. John Dysfunktion, Dave Shades!. They’ve got to be cool. When I become a jockey, perhaps I should call myself.. Tomtom Arsekick? Yes.. that could work.

It’s old, but it’s still around.

Here’s a link to the PC mod for the game. – Link

And here’s a video clip of the mod in action. – Link

I’ve been dreaming of this day ever since I started this website, and finally it has arrived. Sweet!

Of course, those people expecting some kind of donkey based event may be sorely disappointed.

Now I’ll finally find out what it really means to covet my neighbour’s ass.

Well it turns out milk is far from the ultimate mixer. I conducted a series of thorough examinations and recorded my results using the power of brain cells. It appears that mixing with milk leads to extreme vomiting.

Why is this the case? Well, the milk and vodka mix with each other. The vodka causes the milk to curdle in your stomach and this in turn leads to vomiting.

I apologise for my previous misleading statement and shall now issue a new one. Milk and vodka should not be mixed, ever.