SmellyBroom.com

Technically it was over 4 days ago, but let’s not get all silly about it.

More importantly, I’ve been robbed. Burgled. Pilfered from.

Some cuntish people broke into the flat and raided all the rooms. Luckily though, my condom collection remains intact. So all is well.

What with this being the Christmassy time of year and everything, I thought it would be appropriate to do something festive.

However, I never got round to it. So instead, here’s the Irn-Bru Snowman advert.

Confused? It’s not real. It’s printed sheets of paper.

Weighing in at a whopping 16 minutes and 37 seconds, it’s the Haymarket Flat Party video. Idiocy present in great quantities, so best take off your sensibility hat before watching.

Why is this the case? Did someone look at a foot, get drunk, then decide to make a shoe? Or are all shoes just made by people with impaired vision?

Seriously. Look at your foot, look at your shoe.

Same shape?

I think not.

Stupid shoe makers.

It’s that Christmas time of the year again. That time when drinking has even less boundaries than normal. You’ve got to fit in a full night’s drinking for every door on the advent calendar. Unfortunate, but I just can’t let anyone down.

What this means is there’s only 1 more episode of SmellyBroom Show left to come out this year. Hope you all enjoy it when it happens.

Now then, you might not be thinking what I’m thinking right now, but if you are, then your probably wondering why the whole world measures temperature in Celsius and why America is the only country to still use Fahrenheit.

The answer is simple, but there’s a story to it.

Back in the hay-day of temperature measuring, a young man named Mr. Fahrenheit set out to create a scale for measuring temperature. He sat down in his kitchen and opened the freezer door. He placed his thermometer on the middle shelf, and closed the door. Ten minutes later he threw the door open and grabbed the thermometer. He quickly scribbled down a line and the number 0 on his thermometer reading. His next move was towards the bathroom. He stripped off his t-shirt and stuck the thermometer under his armpit. Another ten minutes and Fahrenheit had marked the 100 degree spot on his thermometer. Success! Fahrenheit’s scale of temperature was embraced by the world.

Fast forward to present day and we now have a Fahrenheit replacement scale in place. Thank goodness. And let me just highlight for you some of the idiocy of the Fahrenheit scale.

In the Fahrenheit scale, water freezes at 32 degrees; in the Celsius scale, water freezes at zero.

In the Fahrenheit scale, water boils at 212 degrees; in the Celsius scale, water boils at 100.

Zero in the Fahrenheit scale is a random cold-ish temperature that is unrecognisable and serves no purpose whatsoever.

100 in the Fahrenheit scale is the temperature of Mr. Fahrenheit’s armpit.

So in conclusion, all Americans are currently measuring the temperature of an entire country using a temperature system that is based entirely on one man’s sweaty armpit.

Just a quickie.

This is how to forge a Heriot-Watt parking permit.

There’s a guy in this thing!

Here it is. The episode some of you may have been waiting for. Our entire day trip to Edinburgh Zoo condensed down into 12 and a half minutes of SmellyBroom Show goodness.