Another Week, Another Blog Post
Well it’s that time of the week again when I realise I haven’t checked the website in 6 days. Oops. Well this is just a quick note to say that I’ll be away from the internet world for another 6 days.
Archive for July, 2007
Russians haven’t attacked.
It’s true, they haven’t. But they did come and have a look.
RAF scrambles to intercept Russian bombers
I decided to take matter into my own hands and carried out a little investigation. The bombers in question are Tu95 “Bear” bombers. Here’s a photo. And now to clarify. This thing has propellers, you know, those old things the Romans and Egyptians always used on their airforce. Those things that spun round and round slowly for a hundred odd years before smart people came along and invented the jet engine. Oh well, maybe it’s some kind of decoy. ‘Let’s send up some shit planes to that shitty Scotland part of the country, then when their not looking…’
Excercise is for Losers
That’s right, exercise is very much for losers. I attempted a feeble amount of exercise the other day and I can safely say the whole experience was entirely unsatisfying, unremarkable, uneventful, undesirable and unbeneficial in any real way. I mean, can I now drink greater amounts of beer?
Uh, nope.
The only real form of exercise that gets exemption from loserness is of course, beer drinking. Lifting those heavy pints help build up the arm muscles for holding larger vessels such as pitchers, boots or yard glasses, and pushing all that alcohol through your system helps build up your liver for those all night drinking sessions.
In conclusion, all gyms across the country should ditch the weights and treadmills and instead focus on their beer selling capabilities, thus increasing the effectiveness of real exercising.
Hooray! I have RSI.
Yes, that lesser known ailment most commonly found on hardcore gamers and chronic masturbators. The cause in my case? Too much sideways scrolling on my mouse and too much ‘snaking‘ on Mario Kart.
A Working MSN Block Checker
After months of getting fed up with MSN Block Checker comments, here is the definitive end all and shut-up of the matter.
Now you’ll know everyone’s got you blocked.
Your Guide to Continuously Feeling Tired
Ever want more reasons to stay in bed all day? Follow this simple guide and you’ll be feeling tired in no time.
Don’t have breakfast… even if you feel hungry.
Having breakfast in the morning gives your body the energy it needs to start the day. We don’t need that.
Eat only one meal a day.
By consolidating all of your meals into one sitting, your body has to process all the food at the same time. Reportedly, this isn’t as good as having several smaller meals.
Avoid fibre.
That means no Bran Flakes.
Avoid omega-3s.
Omega-3s are some form of something that comes from things like tuna. It keeps your brain alert, and again we really don’t need that.
Stay dehydrated.
This is sure-fire way to keep yourself feeling rundown. If you’re feeling thirsty, don’t have a drink. Better still, why not drink some beer?
Watch caffeine intake before noon.
Caffeine wakes you up. If you need some caffeine, have it in the evening to ensure you don’t get a good night’s sleep.
When you’re feeling burned-out, turn up the heating.
A nice warm environment is far more likely to let you dose off than a fresh cold environment.
Don’t bother getting dressed.
Yep, just sit around in boxers all day. That way it’ll be far easier to jump into bed for a quick nap.
Follow those few simple tips and I guarantee you won’t accomplish anything for weeks.